Deadpool: New World
by Agent Brad Hall
Summary: Deadpool. Wolverine. Chimichungas. Violence. Sex (okay, maybe not sex)
1. Chapter 1

**Deadpool: New World**

It was a cold night. Too cold. How the hell was it so cold when it was the middle of the summer?

_Oh_, eight year old Wade Wilson thought. _Dad's back._

It was time for the beatings again. The pain. The sorrow. The blood of his mother, wasted on the floor. All because his father wanted a fucking drink.

"Howdy ~burp~ ho Wilson clan," hus father said. "I hope you guys are ready to have a real fucking party! I'm thinking threesome. I got some buddies just waiting to -"

"Honey, please," Wade's mother begged. "You're drunk. Why don't you just go lie down."

And that's when Wade saw it for the last time. His father, slicing his pocket knife across his mother's face. Wade cried as he saw the crimson liquid fall to the floor. But the thing that made Wade angriest of all was his father's drunken smile. He was enjoying this! How could someone be so evil to put their own family through this?

His father turned to him with a smile.

"Rule number three of the pimp code, son," he said. "Always keep a shank for your skank."

He would never learn what the first two were. His father jumped on top of his mother, ripping her clothes off, and nibbling on her neck, all while his mother tried to get him off her, to no avail.

"Stop! Don't do this! You're drunk, Henry! I don't want this!" his mother called as loud as she could.

It didn't help.

Before he even thought about it Wade grabbed his father's pocket knife, which had fell to the floor and rammed it into the side of his neck.

"Leave her alone," Wade yelled through tears.

His father yelled in pain as blood squirted from his neck, onto Wade's mother, who looked so surprised she might die, too. Wade's father fell to his side. Nothing more than another statistic.

Wade's mother looked accusingly at her son.

"What have you done?!" she screamed. "What're we going to do now?"

Wade just sat there and cried. He barely knew what was going on, but he knew he didn't like his mother being mad at him. His mother looked at him and at th blood on her clothes. The only thing on her face was sympathy and understanding.

"Let's go," she told her son.

"Shut up Weasel," Wade Wilson said into his cellphone.

Wade was sitting in his favorite bar, with his favorite drink, talking to favorite person, doing his least favorie conversation.

"Hey," Weasel said over the phone. "It isn't my fault you let the girl go because your conscience kicked in."

"The lady didn't deseve to die," Wade replied. "She owned a flower shop for God's sake."

"A hit is a hit, 'Pool," he said. "What're you gonna tell that guy who already paid you to kill her?"

I don't know," Wade replied. "I'll probably just tell him that spider-guy interfered. If he doesn't buy that, I'll kill him."

"Fair enough."

Wade looked and saw something that made him smile.

"Hey Weas," he said. "I'll talk to you later."

Wade hung up and walked to see an "old friend."

Logan was pissed.

Being shot will do that to you. As he walked into the Manhattan bar, he just wished Fury could get someone else to run his errands.

_I'm too fucking old for this, _he thought grimly.

He barely got away from them. Of coarse, it's not like they could've killed him thanks to his healing factor, but the bullets don't exactly feel like pebbles.

Logan was a short and stocky man with large sideburns that made him look animalistic. Fury said he looked like a sick croscross between Hugh Jackman and Danny Devito.

While Logan was busy monologuing and complaining, a man walked to him.

"Logan!" the man said. "How's my favorite tonsurephobic?"

Logan was pretty sure he had never seen the man before, even though he did seem familiar. The man was tall and muscular. He was also blond and had a large smile om his face.

"Oh come on," the man said, reading his blank stare. "Don't you have, like awesome smelling or something?"

Logan started sniffing the air...and recognized the smell of the man almost instantly. Wade Wilson. Deadpool.

_God no, _Logan thought. _Please._

Logan knew Wade from their times as captives of the Weapon X program. Him, Wade, and Domino had escaped together, but went their seperate ways afterwards. Logan had spent all the years since then trying to forget all of that. Seeing Wade again, here, brought all his old memories back. All the experiments...

Logan instinctively felt over his hands, where he could feel his adamantium claws under his skin just waiting to come out. Needless to say, Logan was not happy to see Wade.

"What do you want, Wade?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Just wanted to say 'hi' to my old buddy Wolvie." Wade asked.

"Good," Logan said. "Now go away."

"Damn," Wade said genuinely hurt. "What, someone stole your bone and buried it without you?"

"Leave Wade," Logan said. "Now."

"So, what's been going on with you," Wade asks, obviously trying to annoy him. Logan decided to just ignore him, and maybe he'd go away.

"Yeah, nothing much for me either," he continued. "I was thinking about starting a superhero pornsite -"

Just then, a bullet flew through Wade's beer, which he had been holding.

"_Oh shit_," Wade and Logan said in unison.

Then, gunshots started to fly through the windows of the bar. Logan and Wade dove to the ground as screams filled the bar and cries for fallen loved ones rang out.

_Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. Those technical difficulties I talked about earlier are a pain, plus, I just haven't found the time. Those technical difficlties are the same resin this chaptechapter is formatted weird. And kinda short. Also, I know I said this would be Wolverine: New World, but Deadpool is cooler so..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

William Stryker was pissed.

For years they had been harvesting DNA for the Weapon X program. DNA from James Howlett. Forenamed: Wolverine. They were damaged from the explosion caused by Wolverine escaping, but were almost repaired with the right sequencing.

Then they were stolen. By Wolverine.

Obviously he sent men to retrieve them. Or Logan himself. That would be more welcome. But he knew that the chance of capturing Logan was extremely small, so he told them to focus on the samples and to get more if they could. But one little occurrence happened that he didn't expect.

Deadpool was there.

Deadpool was a loose canon. The experiments that had been used to recreate Wolverine's healing factor had worked, but they had heavily damaged his skin and facial features. Deadpool was the one who had stolen the key that let Wolverine and Domino escape, killing a handful of scientists in the process.

If they could kill Deadpool too, that'd be fantastic.

Logan woke up disoriented.

Everything was blurry, and all he could hear was gunfire, and a voice sounding like tearing metal.

Wade.

"Wade," Logan said. "What the hell?"

"Welcome back to the land of the living my friend. You've been gone for quite some time," Wade replied.

"Why does my neck hurt?" Logan asked.

"Look down."

Logan tried to look down and found that he couldn't move his neck. So, he looked down moving his eyes, and saw something surprising.

His body was missing. He was a severed head.

"Holy fuck," Logan said. "What the hell happened?"

"Those guys who were shooting at us had a team come from the back. They surprised us, and your head was shot off by a guy who looked like Michael Jackson. After he turned white. He didn't sound like him when I shot him though," Deadpool said and then started: "Hm. 'Holy fuck.' I wonder what that would look like. Would it be glowing -?"

"Wade!" Wolverine exclaimed. "Where's my body?"

"Relax Wolvie," Deadpool said. "It's still in the bar."

"We're not in the -?"

Looking around, Logan saw that, in fact, they weren't in the bar, but were behind a van with gunshots raining on them. He also saw Wade wasn't in his disguise anymore. He was wearing a red body suit, with black markings over it like a design, that had holes for the eyes, showing Wade's yellow pupiless eyes, with a ring of black around the holes. The suit had various holes on it where Wade had been shot, exposing his scared skin. He also had a various weapons on him from swords to automatic weapons. In fact, he had an assault rifle in one hand right now. And in the other...

"Is that a flamin' burrito," Logan asked.

"Actually it's a chimichunga," Deadpool said, obviously annoyed that Logan didn't know the proper term for the Mexican treat.

"Where did you get that?"

"I was eating it before you showed up." Deadpool replied. "And I wasn't going to let those other guys get it."

"You had the time to get a burrito -"

"Chimichunga."

"-but you couldn't get my body?!" Logan said furious. "Do you know what my body is worth?!"

"Well, you're not exactly Channing Tatum," Deadpool said. "But I'll get your body."

And with that, Deadpool vanished, leaving Logan the severed head there behind the van.

Deadpool was having the time of his life.

All he'd been doing lately had been doing hits that Weasel had found for him. They'd all been as easy as pulling the trigger. But now, he got some real action.

He teleported into the bar where the gunmen were at. He used his katana to cut off the head of the one in the back. While the others were busy shooting, he stuffed a grenade into the head and rolled it under the gunmen. One of the gunmen looked down at the head.

"Oh shit," he said. "Jacob!"

Just then "Jacob's" head exploded, killing all of the gunmen in the bar, but carefully avoiding the few survivors in the bar. The most they got were a few guts landing on them.

Groody, Deadpool thought.

One of the women spoke up.

"Hey you guys look," she exclaimed. "Spider-man saved us!"

"Oh hell to the fucking no!" Deadpool yelled. "I am not that baby faced, tight-assed, shine stealing, virgin!"

"Oh," the woman said. "Then who are you?"

"How do you not know me? Remember, I'm the guy who got his head chopped off by Wolverine! I was played by Van fucking Wilder! I have my own video game for fuck's sake!"

"...Green Lantern?"

Deadpool shot her.

In the leg, but still. It's the thought that counts.

Deadpool picked up Wolverine's body as the woman screamed. He teleported back to where Logan's head sat.

"That didn't take long," Logan said.

"I was just playing with them," Deadpool said.

Deadpool picked up Logan's head and placed it on his body and watched as his head reatached itself. Logan moved around his fingers to make sure they still worked then stood up.

"Thanks Wade," Logan said. "I owe you one."

"Whatever," Deadpool replied. "Were they after me or you?"

"Me," Logan said. "I just stole my DNA back from the bastards at Weapon X."

"Weapon X," Deadpool asked incredulous. "They're still around? I thought..I thought they..."

"Me too. I did too."

"What're you going to do now?"

"I'm going to go to someone who can help me find them. And...I might need your help."

"No," Deadpool stated.

"What?" it was Logan's turn to be surprised.

"I helped you because we used to be friends, Logan. But after the way you treated me in that bar, I'm done with you. And I'm done with Weapon X. I never want to hear of them again. This is your problem, not mine." Deadpool said.

"Wade, I'm sorry about how I treated you okay? It was wrong of me. Is that what you want to hear?"

"What the hell do you think I am," Deadpool said irritated. "Some heartbroken drama queen who will calm down after you said sorry? After all we've been through, you have the nerve to act like a dick to me? No, we're done. Have fun having Weapon X down your throat like you were a prostitute with an eating disorder."

"This is your problem too now, Wade," Logan said. "You're on Weapon X's radar now. And you and I both know what they're capable of."

Wade said nothing.

"And if you help me," Logan said. "I'll owe you. One favor. Anything you want."

"Anything," Wade asked interested. "Anything I want?"

"I won't butt-fuck you."

"Sweet!" Deadpool exclaimed. "First, we're gonna kidnap Ryan Reynolds -"

"Save it for after we're done," Logan said. "Now we get to work."

Deadpool followed Logan to a motorcycle parked a few feet away. A Harley.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Deadpool said. "You're not gonna make me do what I think you're gonna make me do!"

"Let's just get it over with," Logan said grimly.

_I hope you guys liked this chapter. It wasn't rushed like the last one, because I just felt the need to get one out for the fans of Spider-man: New World who were waiting for this. So, I hope you guys liked it. And thanks to Rose for favoriting this story. Please review._

_-Brad_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The sun lowered itself over the horizon. A motorcycle cut across the road driven by a man by the name of Logan.

And behind him, was Deadpool, with his arms around him.

"I hate this," Deadpool said.

"Just shut up and be quiet," Logan said grimly.

"You realize you basically just said the same thing twice, right?" Deadpool asked.

Just as he said that, a convertable drove to the side of the motorcycle with two guys driving it with the top down.

"Max, look," one of them said. "Deadpool's riding bitch!"

The other one, who was driving pulled out his phone and aimed it the two.

"This is so getting instagramed," he said mid-laugh.

_Great_, Wade thought. _Finally someone who doesn't confuse me with Spider-man, and they catch me bitch-riding._

Deadpool took out a gun and pointed it at the convertable.

"I will blow out your tires," Deadpool warned.

And with that, the car sped away at an amazing speed. Deadpool smiled to himself.

_That definitely went better than my plan to assassinate One Direction_, he thought.

After a few more minutes of travel, the bike pulled up to a house that base-head preppy cheerleaders think they're automatically going. It appeared to be four stories tall, and it was made of bricks that were put together so well, it seemed there was no way of it breaking down. Around it, was a metal electric fence that was taller the the actual height of the building. The place was a fortress, but it looked good while doing it.

"We're here," Logan said.

"Whoa," Wade said admiringly. "Looks like we just stepped into MTC Cribs."

"Yeah," Logan said. "Look Wade, when we get in here, I need you yo be quiet. Let me do all the talkin'."

"Who's place is this," Deadpool asked.

"A friend who will help us find Weapon X," Logan replied. "Just promise me you won't say anything."

Deadpool holds up two fingers.

"Scouts honor," Wade said with what little honor he actually had.

"Good."

What Logan didn't know was that behind Deadpool's back, his fingers were crossed. Nobody tells Wade Wilson what to do.

Logan walked to the electric fence and stepped on a panel in the ground that Wade had noticed earlier. A voice seemingly came from nowhere. It was the voice of a woman.

Who's there? the voice asked.

"Is that you, God," Wade asked. "My ex said you were a girl, but I didn't believe her."

"Shut up Wade," Logan said angrily.

"You might wanna watch out Logan," Wade said. "God don't like ugly. And you're one ugly motha -"

He didn't finish as three metallic claws hit him in the chest, breaking it open. Deadpool fell to the ground and Logan stood on the panel again.

"Widow," Logan said. "It's me."

There was silence for a long time, then the fence opened up and Deadpool stood up.

"I hate you," Wade said.

"'Feelings mutual."

Natasha Romanoff was pleasantly annoyed.

She hadn't seen Logan in a long time. She still didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. They had dated years ago, but Logan was never a good conversationalist. The only thing about relationships he was good at was the fucking. He was horrible at foreplay, though.

And then he shows up out of the blue, with some weird guy who she at first thought was Ben Parker's nephew. What was he calling himself now? It didn't matter. The man gave her the creeps.

Logan and the strange man walked to where she was on the second floor. She had just gotten out of the shower and was in her favorite white robe. Logan walked to her, but the man in the red suit stopped and stared at her. She wasn't surprised. Men did that all the time in her presence. Regardless of age or race. Even the gay men stared at her with interest.

"Whoa momma," the man said.

The man bowed to her.

"The name's Deadpool my fair lady," the man apparently known as Deadpool said to her. "But you can call me Wade. Or the merc with the mouth."

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" Natasha asked bored.

"Ouch," Deadpool said. "Stings. Hey, while I got your attention, I was working on this superhero pornsite -"

And it was with that Logan cut his head off. Wade's head and body slumped to the ground, motionless.

"Really Logan," Natasha said like a guy wasn't just murdered. "On my carpet."

"Nice to know you care," a voice came.

"The hell?" Natasha asked, her cool melted away as the head of Deadpool started talking.

"You're just one cool ray of sunshine ain't ya," the head said as Deadpool's body got up and picked up the head.

"Sorry, forgot to warn you," Logan said. "He's like me."

"A mutant?" Natasha asked.

"You could say that." Logan replied.

"Mutant power!" Deadpool's head said. "We're gonna take over the world and piss on the lawn of the White House, and replace it with a parental advisory sticker!"

"Wade," Logan started.

"Yeah, yeah," Deadpool replied, putting his head back on. "Don't get your claws in a twist."

"We need help, Natasha," Logan said to her. "Weapon X is after me, and I need to stop them before they put innocents in danger."

"And what makes you think I'd know where to find them," Black Widow asked.

"You and I both know you keep a personal tab away from Fury and his ass-kissers. You still do assassinations?"

Natasha was silent for a moment.

"Only if the person deserves it," she finally replied. "I'm a killer, not a murderer," she then added. "Not anymore."

"Then help us, because these bastards deserve it," Deadpool said, breaking his silence.

"Wade," Logan started.

"No Logan," Wade said with authority. "If she can help us find Weapon X, she damn well needs to help."

Natasha almost yelped as Deadpool pulled off his mask, revealing a horribly scarred face with blank yellow eyes.

"You see my face," Deadpool said. "You see what they did to me?! I look like Ryan Reynolds gone through a fucking meat grinder, and my vision is fucked, because all I see is yellow! If you can help us, tell us what you know!"

Natasha just stared at Deadpool for a while, just taking in his..."features." She then said.

"Here's what I've heard..."

Deadpool, mask back on, and Logan walked from the home of the Black Widow. Logan looked at Deadpool with a sad expression.

"Wade," he said. "If I could do anything about your face -"

"So, you and that Natasha chick look pretty friendly," Wade interrupted. "Oh my God, you hit that didn't you?!"

"Wade," Logan started again serious.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay," Wade said. "Just don't...I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Logan said.

They walked in silence to the back. Logan put the cowboy hat he had gotten back from Natasha on his head. They got back on the motorcycle with Deadpool in the back. Before they took off, Logan spoke.

"Hey, Wade," Logan said.

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know," Logan said with a sly smile. "I did hit that."

You could see Deadpool's Emile through his mask.

"Well, yippy-ki-yay," he said.

"Yippy ki yay."

And with that, they drove off into the night, to the most dangerous and evil place in America.

Hollywood.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

William Stryker was happy.

As he sat in the most exquisite party in Hollywood, drinking the finest champagne, surrounded by the industrie's A-list people, he was completely at peace.

There was Katy Perry talking with Kendrick Lamar. There was Justin Beiber talking with Selena Gomez, with Justin crying. William had to smirk. And there, just now entering was what appeared to be Hugh Jackman walking with Ryan Reynolds.

Stryker almost did a spit take with his champagne.

Oh fuck! he thought. What was Charlie Kenton doing with Van fucking Wilder?!

William knew what this meant. He quickly got up and ran to the back of the building where a technician was looking at a blood sample to create mutants. Styrker ran to him and grabbed.

"Start production," William said.

"What?" the man asked incredulous. "But we..."

"Start production now!"

"Yes sir," the man said.

**...**

Logan glanced up at Deadpool, posing as Ryan Reynolds.

"What the hell is your obsession with Ryan Reynolds," he asked.

"It would take to long to explain," Wade replied.

"Okay," Logan started. "Here's what I'm thinking..."

"Oh shit!" Wade said. "Is that Andrew Garfield?"

"Wade," Logan said, but it was too late. Wade was already heading towards the man by the window.

"Tell me why," Wade said to Andrew. "Everyone always confuses me for you."

Andrew looked angry at Wade's arrival.

"Ryan," Andrew said. "I told you we can't do this anymore. I'm with Emma now."

"Huh?"

"Emma fucking Stone, Ryan. Do you have any idea how perfect that pussy is," Andrew asked. "I hit that, Ryan. I'm an American hero. I'm sorry, but I don't need you anymore."

Wade just stared at Andrew for a minute than walked away. But, before he did, he turned back to Andrew.

"Hey," Wade asked. "Is it true you watched the Spider-man porn?"

"Every night before I go to bed," Andrew replied.

"That's what I thought."

And, with that, Wade walked away to the punch bowl, where Katy Perry was talking with Kendrick Lamar.

"Ohhhhh shit!" Wade called. "K. Dot! The God MC! How you doing, man?"

Kendrick looked annoyed at Wade, as Ryan.

"Okay," Kendrick said. "Now open your eyes up and listen to me Ryan. I'm trying to get some, and right now you are just cock-blocking now, Ryan."

"Okay okay," Wade said. "Don't lose control on me now. You're still a good kid, right? You see what I did there?"

Kendrick looks at Ryan for a minute, then turns back to the punch bowl.

Jeez, Wade thought. What does a guy have to do to get some celebrity time?

"Ooh!" Wade called seeing the large man, who starts to run. "Arnold Sweater-Weather!"

**...**

Okay, Logan thought. Let Wade mingle with celebrities a little bit. You were always better by yourself anyway.

Logan starts sniffing around, looking for anything that might help. As he was smelling, he noticed Wade pointing an accusing finger at director Gavin Hood, yelling at him.

"Hey, you're the guy who posses on my image and toy my head chopped off by Wolverine! I'll fucking kill you!"

Idiot, Logan thought.

Logan followed his nose and he swore, he could swear he smelt William Stryker. But that was impossible. Stryker died in the Weapon X breakout. He remembered killing him himself. He decided to follow the smell. He didn't like this.

Not one bit.

**...**

"You will not direct another X-men movie, you hear me," Wade said to Gavin Hood, who was lying on the ground crying. "And stop sucking your thumb, you fucking idiot!"

Gavin stopped sucking his thumb.

"But they wanted me to direct Days Of Future Past," Gavin said. "It's the gig of a lifetime!"

"I don't give to squirts a piss," Wade said. "Get Bryan Singer to do it. He can actually direct a freakin' movie!"

"Okay," Gavin Hood said, running away.

Wade smiled to himself. Yeah, he's one comic book character that wouldn't get screwed up again. The, Wade realized something that near brought him to tears.

Oh my God, Wade realized. I'm not a comic book character. I'm just the character in some guy's fanfiction! And that guys not MLP Mike, or C-Spider2, it's Brad Hall! The guy who wrote that sucky Spider-man fanfiction that nobody read! Oh, the humanity!

Suddenly, Wade was hit in the back of the head with a large crate, shutting off Wade's Ryan Reynolds hologram, showing his Deadpool costume. Deadpool fell to the ground. He wasn't worried about it though, he thought as blood oozed from his head, making him woozy. Then he realized something else.

He wasn't healing.

What the hell? he thought.

As Deadpool passed out, a young black guy about 6'0 stood over him with a smile on his face.

"You thought you could fuck with me," the man said. "You don't fuck Brad Hall, Brad Hall fucks you!"

**...**

_And, on that note, that brings this chapter to an end. Thanks for reading and all that. Please review and everything else. And those guys I mentioned earlier? The other fanfiction writers that Deadpool wished were writing him? Yeah, those guys are awesome. They take fanfiction to a whole new level. I recommend them to anyone. And if you don't like them, I'll write you into a fanfiction. (Okay, not really. Well, maybe. PM me if you want, and I could probably do it.)_

_This chapter was pretty much nonsense, but, hey, it's fanfiction. You can do anything you want pretty much. So, all I gotta say to you fanfiction writers out there: do what you want. Don't be afraid. To take a stand. Everybody -(I should've had Eminem in this.) But, seriously, we can take our favorite characters and do with them what we want (even slash, if you're into that) there should be no boundaries. And, besides, we don't get paid, so who cares?_

_I'm rambling on, my bad. Till next time._

_-Brad._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Deadpool woke up groggy. He had no idea where he was, or how he got there. Then he remembered.

_I got hit by that crazy black guy_, he thought.

And when Deadpool called someone crazy, that guy was fucking crazy.

He looked around, and saw that he appeared to be in a dark basement. In the back, barely visible, was a large tube, about the size of a human.

Like the ones Weapon X used to make clones.

Cuss words so vile you can't put them in this fic without switching to an M rating flew from Deadpool's mouth as the info dawned at him. He remembered Logan saying something hid body being valuable. He also remembered Logan saying that he had stole his DNA samples from Weapon X.

_Holy shit, _Deadpool thought.

They're making another Wolverine.

"Wade, Wade, Wade," came a voice too familiar but still impossible. "How nice it is to see you."

_No._

Wade first saw a foot outstretch itself from the shadows. Black polos.

_No._

The body of a man without the face seen also walked out. The man was short and stocky, and had on a suit you'd expect to see at a party like this.

_No!_

The face of the man appeared and Wade was surprised by who it was.

_No!_

Henry Wilson.

Deadpool's father.

"You're dead," Deadpool said. "I saw you die!"

"The details of my demise were greatly exaggerated," he said, then spit out menacingly. "Son."

"But how," Wade asked. "How're you alive?"

"I had a little help," his father replied.

Just then a guy stepped out of the shadows. This man was dressed more casually. He was a tall black guy, who had a wide-eyed crazy look on his face. He was the man who attacked Deadpool earlier.

Brad Hall. **The writer of this fanfiction.**

"You," Deadpool said.

"Yes, him," Henry Wilson said. "He seems to have immense control over the world around him. Anything he wants, happens. You can see how a man like this could helpful to our...operation."

"You mean cloning Wolverine," Deadpool said.

"Precisely," Brad Hall said. "One thing I know how to do, is tell a crappy story, and we all know from Spider-man, that clones can be pretty fucking crappy."

"Um, yes," Henry said obviously confused. "What he said."

"You can't trust this guy," Deadpool said to his father. "He doesn't give a damn about any of us. All he cares about is getting favorites and follows, and the occasional review, but, in reality, nobody wants to take the time out of their porn watching to review his shit. 'Cause that's all it is. Shiiiiit. All he cares about is stories. And if you don't fit into his "story," he won't hesitate to send you back to hell."

"Guilty," Brad Hall said.

Henry Wilson looked around, obviously confused.

"I'm going to," he stammered. "I'm gonna check on the clone."

And Henry left to check on the tube. Brad Hall faced Deadpool.

"So," Brad Hall said. "How do you think this story will end?"

"With you dead," Deadpool said.

But, omg, at that moment, Andrew Garfield was sitting in his bathroom stall, with a cocktail in his hand, watching the Spider-man porn on his phone. And as he "released" he tipped his cocktail (no dirty jokes) and some of it wasted. While it was falling, it mixed with his "unborn children" and perfectly mixed with it, creating an acid-like compound composed of his cocktail, and his cockjuice, falling to the bathroom floor below, creating a hole, as it burrows its way all the way to the basement below, hitting Deadpool directly on the forehead, creating a large hole.

"Oh fuck," Deadpool wailed.

"On the contrary Deadpool," Brad Hall said. "I believe it ends with you dead."

Before forming another thought, Deadpool rubbed his forehead against his metal restraints, melting them, and freeing himself. Deadpool stood before Brad Hall, healed, and ready to fight.

"You wanna fuck with me, huh?" Brad Hall yells crazily. "You think you can fuck with me? And get away with it? I'm Brad Hall bitch! I control everything around yo...WEEHHAAHHHHH!"

Deadpool looked at Brad Hall's chest, and saw three metal claws protruding from his body. Blood came from Brad Hall's mouth as he coughed.

"Well," he coughed. "So long to Spider-man: New World 2."

And with that happy thought, Brad Hall fell to the ground, bleeding to death. Logan stood behind him, angry.

"Next time I say stay put," he said. "You fucking stay out."

"Ugh," Deadpool said. "Don't you just hate typos?"

"Well done, you two," Henry Wilson said as he walked to them. "You defeated him."

"Where's Stryker," Wolverine said. "I smelled him here."

"You must be smelling ghosts then," Henry said. "You killed Stryker, remember?"

"Huh?" Logan was confused, to say the least.

Brad Hall smiled through his pain.

"Ha ha," Brad Hall said to nobody who they could see. "Fooled y'all motha fuckers."

"I may have been masquerading as Stryker for a few days, but I assure you, he's dead," Henry said.

"Logan," Deadpool said. "I'll take care of this guy, you take care of the clone."

As Logan ran towards the clone pod, it started to open. A teenage woman stepped out, who was full naked (big boobies!) and had two long adamantium claws coming from her hands. Logan looked at the woman full of surprise, until Deadpool said:

"Look Logan, you have the same boobies!"

"And Brad Hall said let there be X-23," Brad Hall said weakly. "And there was X-23."

And then Brad Hall fell.

Dead.

_**,...,...,...**_

_I just wanna say I apologize for rushing on the previous chapters. I actually took some time to write this, and I think it was better. I'll have to go back and rewrite the last chapters and actually take some time to write them._

_So, yeah, X-23. Hope you guys are excited. I'm not. I'm dead! But writers never die, as they say, because they're stories live on._

_Even if those stories are badly written fanfiction._

_-Brad._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Deadpool and Logan looked at the clone in surprise. The clone had long black hair just above her hips, and, like said before, was completely naked.

"Is it weird that I think she's kinda hot," Deadpool asked, breaking the silence.

"It'd be weird if you didn't," Henry Wilson said.

"Why the hell is she a flamin' girl," Logan asked.

"Why the hell is she a flamin' girl," the clone said.

All three of them looked at the clone in confusion. She sounded exactly like Logan.

"Well," Deadpool said. "There goes my boner."

"Why the hell is she a flamin' girl," the clone repeated, this time in the voice of a girl. She sounded like one of those girls you hear on those "special calls."

"And, it's back," Deadpool said. "So...do we kill it?"

Upon hearing the word kill, the clone attacked Deadpool, ramming its adamantium claws into his body. Deadpool screamed as it happened. Logan, after a few seconds of surprise, pulled the clone off of him.

"Let me go," the clone said.

Everyone froze. Then, after a few moments of peak tension (that sounded wrong) Logan put the naked clone down.

"You can talk," Logan asked.

"Duh," the clone said, blowing some hair out of her face.

Deadpool sat up, fully healed.

"I'm fine, you guys," he said.

"Nobody cares," Logan and the clone said in unison.

Logan turned back to the naked clone.

"If you can talk, and aren't, y'know, mindless," Logan asked. "Why did you attack?"

"He said he wanted to kill me," the clone said. "Dying doesn't sound too fun."

"Amazing," said Henry Wilson. "Simply amazing."

Henry then proceeded to examine the naked clone very closely.

"You seem completely normal," he said.

Logan and the clone both aimed their claws at Henry, while Deadpool aimed his katana at his father.

"Oh right," Henry said, then revealed an evil smile. "X-23, maurybaum."

Suddenly, the clone, apparently called X-23, turned stiff. He eyes glassed over, and she stared into deep space.

"What the fuck did you do," Deadpool asked.

Suddenly, X-23 cut off Deadpool's head, blood spilling on the floor. Logan stepped between the two, claws ready.

"Calm down, kid," Logan said. "I don't wanna hurt you."

X-23 got in a crouching position, her two claws appearing to shimmer.

"Well," Henry said, starting to leave. "I'll leave you to your aurgument."

Henry started to run away.

"Wade," Logan said, never taking his eyes off his clone. "Get your daddy."

"Fuck you," the head of Deadpool said, as his body picked the head up, and started running with it in his hands. X-23 lunged at Deadpool as he ran past her, but Logan intercepted with a stab to her stomach.

"I really hope you have my healing factor, kid," Logan said, wincing as he struck the clone.

_**...**_

Henry Wilson ran away from the party in a dash.

Fuck this shit, fuck this shit, he kept repeating in his mind over and over again.

Henry put his hand on the car door. Once he got in, he'd be home free. He could change his face, take on a new identity. Get away from it all.

Interrupting his thoughts, however, a bullet flew into his hand.

"Oh shit!" Henry exclaimed.

"How are you alive," Henry heard a voice say.

The voice, he found, was Deadpool, walking to him with pure anger you could see through the mask.

"Nice to see you too, son," Henry said holding his hand.

"How are you," Deadpool started, before he grabbed Henry and pinned him to the car with a sword to his neck. "Still ALIVE?!"

"Why should I tell you," Henry asked. "You're gonna kill me anyway."

"You're damn right about that," Deadpool said. "But, at least, you wont be the complete worst father in the world."

Henry was silent for a moment, then talked.

"Stryker," he said finally.

"Stryker?" Deadpool asked.

"He found me in the house after you stabbed me," Henry said that last part with detest. "He was coming by the house to recruit me. I was a Navy SEAL when I was younger, so the general was interested in my skills. He saved my life."

"I didn't think it was possible," Deadpool said shaking his head. "But I hate Stryker even more."

"Do you think you were chosen by accident?" Henry asked.

"What?"

"I specifically chose you for the Weapon X program," Henry said. "It was all me."

"How...how'd you know I had...," Deadpool started.

"Cancer? You never had cancer, Wade. I switched your results to make you believe that, so you'd take the offer. To become the Deadpool." Henry said.

"You...you...you made me into this," Wade said. "You made me into a freak?! Why?!"

"To make you into the best you, you could be! To make you even more than a man!" Henry said.

"You sick bastard," Deadpool said. "You're not my father. You're a monster."

Deadpool shoved the sword into Henry's throat, slitting it. Henry fell to the ground and choked on his own blood. Deadpool then used his sword to cut into Henry's body, to make sure he died. He used all of his knowledge as an assassin to pinpoint every major organ in the body and slice it in half. Deadpool then used his knife to cut off Henry's head, and Deadpool put his head down to the ground, crying through his blank yellow eyes.

Back at the party, a Caucasian man came out of the building, with a large assault rifle, shooting it up into the air, causing everyone in the party to drop to the ground.

"Detroit, what?! Detroit, what?!" the man yelled at the sky.

A man walked to the shooter angrily. The man had a nametag on his shirt that said: Paul.

"Marshall," Paul said. "How man times do I have to tell you, you can't bring your fucking gun with you! The whole world isn't a fucking shooting range, where you can..."

The man was stopped short by a bullet hitting him in the leg.

"Y'know who the fuck I am, bitch?!" Marshall said at the fallen man. "Slim motha fucking Shady!"

(The real Eminem fans will get the reference above.)

...

Logan was having some trouble with the clone.

Because of the smaller and skinnier size of the girl, she was faster and more agile than him. And that made her deadly.

She swiped her claws and took out a large part of Logan's hip, blood spilling on the floor. Logan held his side as it healed, ready to defend himself against X-23.

Then, the clone froze, staring off into space as she had when she first went crazy. She then shook her head, and looked at Logan with surprised eyes.

"Uh, what the hell just happened?" she asked.

"You were mind-controlled," a voice came from the shadows.

Out of those same shadows, a bald man in a wheelchair rolled out to them. The man looked like a younger Patrick Stewart, but only by a little bit.

"But it just so happens, I have control over minds as well," the man side, touching the side of his head.

"Who are you," X-23 asked.

"Oh, pardon my rudeness," the man said. "My name is Charles Xavier, and I'm here to help."

Logan wasn't as much worried about who the man was. The only thing he was worried about was Wade. He used his nose to point out where he was. He sensed Wade hiding in the shadows. Seeing that Logan saw him, Wade teleported away. Logan knew that Wade came back to help him, and, seeing that the situation was under control, left. But that made Logan think. It wasn't like Wade to just leave like that. Something must've happened. He would have to find out.

What do you think Logan, Logan heard a voice say in his mind.

Logan popped his claws out and pointed them at Charles's head.

"Stay outta my mind, bub," Logan said. "That's a bottle you don't want to open."

"My apologies," Charles said. "I forget some people aren't used to my more 'conventional means' of communication. I was asking you would it be all right if Laura came to stay with me, so that I could teach her to use her powers."

"Laura?"

"Me," the clone said, raising her hand. "That's my name."

"But, Laura?" Logan asked.

"You get to be Logan, I get to be Laura. You don't like it, you can go fuck yourself." Laura said.

Logan couldn't help but smile.

"Well," he said. "You definitely are me."

"Logan," Charles said. "You still haven't answered my question."

"Will she get food?" Logan asked.

"Of course," Charles replied.

"A roof over her head?"

"The finest."

"Clothes?"

"We couldn't have her naked, could we?"

"No," Logan said. "We couldn't."

Logan turned to Laura.

"If she wants to go," Logan said. "More power to her. I'm not a babysitter."

"I want to," Laura said.

"Well, Laura," Charles said smiling. "Welcome to the X-Men."

_**...**_

**Epilogue.**

Wade Wilson sat in the bar, drinking a beer. He was waiting for an old man who he didn't commit a hit for. Wade turned his head as a bald older man walked into the bar.

"You didn't kill her," the man said to Deadpool, who was disguised as a man who looked like Abraham Lincoln. "Why the fuck didn't you kill her."

"That Spider-man guy stopped me," Deadpool said, not taking the time to look at him.

"Spider-man," the older man said. "I heard of him. I heard he's quiet cunning."

"Yeah, I don't care." Deadpool stated.

"I will show that fool what happens when he fucks with me," the older man said. "Adrian Tombs!"

_**...**_.

_Sorry this took so long. Thanks to everyone who read._

_-Brad._


End file.
